Prepare for Battle

Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani

-summer of 2009, our God gave a dream with an unforgettable warning-

I’m sitting in the back of the 5th grade classroom. I watch helplessly as my teacher with black hair and gleaming merciless red eyes grabs my classmate by the shirt and stares deeply into his eyes. As he squirms to break free, his frantic green eyes slowly begin to fade to red. He is no longer struggling and is released. As soon as he breaks free he coldly scans around the room for the next victim. A girl; once she turns red eyed she then follows suit. A phenomenon comparable to a zombie apocalypse but still not quite the same. It continues, it spreads. I am snatched up- they look into my eyes and I helplessly stare back. Then I hear the dreaded words “your soul is too pure for us to steal…get in the line”. This line they were referring to led to a massive guillotine. I did not want to be in this line. I beg them ” No, I’m one of you guys! Please, I’ll take your red eyes, just don’t take me to this line leading to death, it’s terrifying!”

At this point you’re probably thinking to yourself “Ah, that sure is one rambunctious 5th grade teacher,”. Okay fine, that was most likely not what you were thinking. I am poorly attempting to insert a joke here to lighten the tone ha, ha. Moving on! As one could imagine, this dream completely wrecked me when I awoke. I was willing to forfeit my soul out of fear- not just willing, I was begging for it. I just remember weeping with the strongest shame mingled with repentance that I’ve felt in my life. Praying desperately, asking God to never let me be so weak again. Pleading for the courage to overcome, if I should ever be faced with something like that again. I had come face to face with my own mortal weakness. It was apparent in that moment, that no one has the honor and strength to remain faithful unto death without help from the Lord. This was a dream, a prayer, that was not easily forgotten.

I think about this often. I could not put it into words but there’s an undeniable sense that at some point in time between when I was dreaming and when I awoke, the Lord gave a glimpse to help me finally understand the weight of what I was willing to give up for a few moments of comfort, to not feel rejected by my teachers and classmates, to belong. It was as if in that moment when I was tricked into begging for the theft of my own soul in exchange for temporal relief, all I saw was the death and suffering before me, completely blinded to anything beyond this. I believe this was the night the Lord taught me what faith really is.

For I consider the present sufferings are not worthy to be compared to the Glory to be revealed to us

Through this objectively horrific dream, He helped my young mind understand that He has placed something deeply beautiful inside of all of us that is completely worth holding onto even to the point of death. By scripture we know that Christ, being the founder and perfecter of our faith, had endured the cross for the Joy set before Him. He invites us to do the same. To take up our cross and follow Him. Christ encourages us with the observation that because the world hated and rejected Him, we should not be surprised to find ourselves in a similar circumstance. It is by Faith that we can see the promises of our God that transcends the tiny block of time and space that we presently reside in. He will make all things new. He preserves, He restores, He is the one and only the source of all life and love in it’s purest form. The true vine that we must cling to with our entire mind heart and strength. Those “red eyes” are completely lost to what God has revealed to His Chosen ones. I’d like to think of these red eyes as being symbolic of the “worldly view”. Representing those utterly consumed by the pride of life, lust of the eyes, and lust of the flesh- failing to see that this world with all of it’s desires, glories and pleasures will quickly decay and be long forgotten. It’s amusing to observe the nature of how this all was designed. Our flesh and spirit constantly at odds with one another. One pulls towards eternal life, the other to death. We serve a God that literally bends the knowledge and wisdom of the world as casually as a child with a juice box reaching for a bendy straw. If we are told to go one way, he will point us in a different direction- it never makes sense but the mysteriousness of His ways adds to His glory. One thing we can rely on, whether righteous or unrighteous. We will all suffer.

Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward

Job 5:7

We must all use our divinely gifted free will to decide whether or not we will spend our time on earth to suffer with purpose, or suffer in vain. To suffer in vain is to live out your entire life by your own strength-spiritually starved of the nutrients we can only derive from the true vine, foolishly attempting to chase down one “obsession” after another in order to fill your emptiness with what does not truly satisfy. To suffer with purpose is acknowledge your dependency on the mercies of God. To willingly lay down your pride, your glory, your desires, your entire life and with full submission in faith. To allow yourself to be filled by the One who does faithfully satisfy. He does something so wonderful when we choose the latter. When we suffer for the sake of the Kingdom of God, we are placed in an environment where our faith can thrive the most. He speaks to us the loudest in our suffering. This is where growth and transformation can take flight with ease. It forces us to stretch our faith, to withdraw from ourselves and run faster to Him.

During the days of Jesus’ earthly life, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverence. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered.

but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy

1 Peter 4:13

It is good for me that I have been afflicted,

That I may learn Your statutes.

 The law of Your mouth is better to me

Than thousands of coins of gold and silver

Psalm 119:71-72

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 

James 1:2-4

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

Matthew 16:24

Life as a follower of Christ is not easy but it’s SO so worth it! I see many incredible men and women of God being stretched right now. We may stumble but we are never defeated even in our stumbling He works it all together for good. No matter how bad it gets, we know the ending to this story and have been given the key to overcoming this wicked world. I know I’ve stacked on quite a few verses here but it is my hope that we can drink deeply from the word and gain a fighting spirit! As the body of Christ, we should expect opposition and and stand with confidence in the face of suffering. Let us remain unfazed and welcome it as an opportunity for our Faith to mature.

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.

1 John 5:4

O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ

1 Corinthians 15:55-57

Love yall!!!

Love is patient

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

– James 4:8

This morning I was determined to wait on the Lord. He called me to silence my busy mind and listen only to Him. I sternly told myself I would not even leave my bed until I’ve heard from Him. I fought with every fiber of my being to be silent and listen. I wish I could tell you I had immediate success in this but like an untrained puppy without a leash, it did not take long for my mind to begin drifting elsewhere. Even if we lose the first few fights, we cannot accept defeat. The Word confirms that as we draw closer to Him, He draws closer to us! Like a magnet we must inch closer to that magnetic range where our Creator can then pull us deeper into intimacy. By faith we enter into the presence of our God and with gentle patience; we remain there. We are living in times of constant stimuli. From our consumerism to our entertainment sources, everything is becoming increasingly fast-paced. We are overstimulated and under rested. This has become a subtle attack on our time of intimacy with our passionately loving Father. The more we are mentally conditioned to be accustomed to instant validation/pleasures, the more we will need to fight for patience during our time with the Lord. Dear friend, note that I am not exposing this conflict to stir up any discouragement. We know that since we abide in the one true vine, Yeshua, we have everything we can possibly need to live the life of love that He’s called us to. Therefore, these obstacles certainly should not intimidate, but they also shouldn’t go by unnoticed.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint

Isaiah 40:31 

being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy;

Colossians 1:11

  You will keep perfectly peaceful the one whose mind remains focused on you, because he remains in you

Isaiah 26:3

I feel a tad goofy admitting this but I’ve technically been working on this one particular post for months. I could acutely sense the Holy Spirit pulling me to write words of encouragement to His people regarding patience. I was going in circles racking my brain, trying so hard to deeply dissect this entity called patience. We all know the definition, but where does it really sprout from? Scripture describes it as one of the fruits of the spirit, a distinct attribute of love. It can manifest as such a lovely, fragile and soft positioning of the heart. Yet, it is also used as a powerful weapon by our Father. The more I attempted to write about it, the less I seemed to understand. With that, I apologize if this does not flow too well because I am frankly flying by with nothing but faith that he’ll fill in the gaps. If there is anything of value to take away here, our God is faithful to bless it and highlight it so that it will stay with you.

 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:7

One way to uncover a deeper understanding of patience is to examine it’s opposing force, impatience. When we are impatient it is usually due to the fact that we are reacting to the world around us from very self-focused point of view. When operating from a mindset of insecurity that comes from lacking (time, resources, expected results) we experience this discomfort in the form of impatience. We want to feel in control. Imagine you’re running late for work and there is car in front of you that is driving exceptionally slow. You catch yourself slipping into a state of frustration; they are going to make you late. Impatience seems like a perfectly natural response to such a circumstance! Yet this type of thinking is actually hostile to God. It is carnal and should be denied as soon as it surfaces ones mind. Conversely, to have patience in a moment like this is to submit your life, worries, sense of control and doubt to the Father fully. Observe the nature of a loving mother with their small children. She’s in the process of teaching them to read. Patience comes naturally because although the mother lacks control concerning the speed in which the child will learn, they are not focused on themselves in this moment. They are approaching this situation with kindness and understanding toward the child, making their needs the main focus. I am fully convinced we will peer into lofty places in the spirit when we consistently seek, pursue and grab ahold of the precious gift of a patient heart. I’ve attached a quote from Luke below. In the midst of struggling to understand what the Father was trying to teach me, this particular passage unlocked many doors in my mind and heart.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Luke 10:25-37

All three of these men were on that same road, traveling from point A to B. There is nothing here indicating that the travel plans of the Samaritan were any less pressing than the plans of the Priest or the Levite. The compassion and kindness in the Samaritan mans heart led him to react to this delay in his plans with such great patience.

If I may, I would like to leave you with a challenge. To take some time to pause your life and just be alone with our Creator. To abandon your own ideas of what defines the term patience. Ask Him to reveal what it really means to bear the fruit of patience.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Colossians 3:12

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.  You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

James 5:7-8


He is patient with you, not wanting 
anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.
-2 Peter 3:9

You can lock a man in chains

Hands and feet bound

You can throw away the key

With Christ on his mind,

he will always be free.

Take a woman, strip her bare

Shame her! Shame her!

Rip at her hair

Look into her eyes

Christ is still there.

A heart without love is like a root without water

Quickly repent, for if you do

you too will stand before God as a perfected son or daughter.

Stand in the Fire

Come along with me into the dream world, my dear friend. I’m at dinner party with acquaintances of a friend. It starts out as any normal get-together but I recall feeling an air of deceit and strong wicked ambitions around my unfamiliar company. As I sat down on a couch they all stood up around us, holding candles, dancing and chanting curses in a foreign language. Looking around I received a strong realization that they had diligently planned for this night. They sought out the perfect colors for decorating, incenses, music and foods to gain favor with the higher powers that they serve. It become clear that my friend and I were well outnumbered and the atmosphere in the room thickened with their hunger for destruction. As we sat there, we uttered no chants, no movements, no striving for favor because the favor has already been won through the One that conjured the grave on our behalf. They sought to overpower us, to get us to bow down to feelings of fear. I recall thinking deeply about their “power” in this moment. It seemed as if they were just putting on a silly show, with no real lasting impact. When this “power” is up against the Most High God and His people; all of their striving is rendered worthless, and all we need to do was stand in peace with Him.

Devise a plan, but it will be thwarted; state a proposal, but it will not happen. For God is with us.”

Isaiah 8:10

After I woke from this dream, the Lord guided me to the book of Daniel. Here we see King Nebuchadnezzar doing the most, heating that fiery furnace seven times over to prepare a punishment for God’s servants because they wont bow down out of fear to anything but their God.

Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and asked his advisers, “Did we not throw three men, firmly bound, into the fire?” “Certainly, O king,” they replied. He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” Then Nebuchadnezzar approached the door of the blazing fiery furnace and called out, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out!” 

 Daniel 3:24-26

We, the body, are approaching a time where we will be called to stand in the fire. Fear or doubt does not belong in us. Let us stand boldly, with full confidence and faith that our Messiah stands with us, covering us with His unfailing love.

In the Shadow of His Wings

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“Display wonders of your faithful love, Savior of all who seek refuge from those who rebel against Your right hand. Protect me as the pupil of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings” -Psalm 17:7-8

Time after time again the Father has consistently proven to His people that he can be trusted to shine the brightest in the darkest of circumstances. When all odds are stacked against you, when you’ve lost your security, confidence, and even your mind; it’s time to prepare for a miracle because He’s there. Always working together all things for the good of those who love Him. Always in control. His plans do not rely on human will, resources or might. He is pleased to allow us to be vessels to manifest His power into the world when He sees we can be trusted to do the job. Our personal failures can never hinder His plans. He meets you where you are. His only requirement is for us to respond when we are called by believing in His words and acting outwardly based upon said beliefs.

For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

James 2:26

While in prayer, the Father uncovered a message in an unlikely place. I did not know this until recently but before our abundantly wise King David, Israel had another King named Saul. Samuel the seer proclaimed to the people that the Lord has chosen Saul. Now mind you, at this point in time there was a little tension between the Hebrews and Philistines. After Samuel anointed Saul’s head with oil, he gave Saul very specific instructions on what he should go out and do so the Lord may establish his reign over Israel. Samuel had fulfilled all that was asked of him with the exception of one final command; to wait seven days for Samuel to come meet him in Gilgal and give him further guidance. To be fair, the situation was not looking too good for our Hebrew friends; they were severely outnumbered. Hiding among the rocks and caves in terror. Meanwhile Saul’s men started bailing on him and he was getting anxious because Samuel was running late. So, he decided to take matters into his own hands by seeking Gods favor through burnt offerings. Samuel showed up immediately after Saul’s faith had fallen.

You have been foolish. You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you. It was at this time that he would have permanently established your reign over Israel but now your reign will not endure, the Lord has found a man loyal to Him and the Lord has appointed him ruler over His people because you have not done what the Lord commanded.

1 Samuel 13: 13-14

So obviously Saul really messed up here, it pains me to imagine what he must have felt in that moment. There is something to be said about the importance of remaining obedient to the commands our God sends us to it’s full completion. He does not speak to us in vain.

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven,

And do not return there,

But water the earth,

And make it bring forth and bud,

That it may give seed to the sower

And bread to the eater,

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;

It shall not return to Me void,

But it shall accomplish what I please,

And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:10

The situation quickly escalates from here, raiding parties ran out of the Philistine camps from three divisions and on the day of battle none of the troops were armed with the exception of Saul and his son Johnathan. So Johnathan sneaks away with his armor-bearer while his dad is hanging out under a Pomegranate tree. Johnathan said to his armor bearer “Let’s cross over. Perhaps the Lord will help us. Nothing can keep the Lord from saving whether by many or by few.” I’m sure these words were sweet music to our Fathers ears! As the Lord defiantly blessed Johnathan’s faith here. “All right, we’ll cross over to the men and let them see us, If they say ‘wait until we reach you’ then we will stay. But if they say ‘come up’ then we’ll go up because the Lord has handed them over to us-that will be our sign.” Sure enough, the Philistines saw them and shouted “Come on up, we’ll teach you a lesson!” Confirmation. So they climbed up and struck down about 20 men in a half acre field. This attack completely threw off the Philistines.

Saul and all the troops with him assembled and marched to battle, and there, the Philistines were fighting against each other in great confusion!

1 Samuel 14:20

Eventually the Philistines fled and the Glory all went straight to the Father that saves ‘whether by many or by few’. There is great wisdom here to soak up! On the day of battle, don’t be the one that looks around to examine resources, making ‘burnt offerings’ out of fear or anxiety because the external circumstances don’t appear to be leaning in your favor. Be the wise one that will hide in the shadow of his wings and wait for His command to direct your steps. Saul lost everything God had entrusted over to him because he allowed the fear of what was happening around him to outshine his faith. Be blessed and encouraged!

The steps of the righteous man are ordered by the Lord.

Psalms 37:23

Have you seen my friend?

I hear you may find her in a field where the nightshade boom.

“I’ve seen selfish desires blind the heart of man;

Therefore, I will only prick the fruit when the sun agrees to loom.”

Longing lips greet it’s juices; it’s flavor? You ask.

“My darling, may you only find sweetness when wrapped in it’s bitter cocoon!”


She sings a song you will only hear in silence.

“Oh King of Kings, my only King!”

Her lonesome melody declares He shall return soon.

A prayer

To the One we belong to,

Let the wicked try their best, for their time is short and their attempts to destroy will only add to Your Glorification in the end. We could be subjected to great confusion, abuse and agony yet no matter what barriers may come our way; the is no power that can tear us from Your loving hand. By Your rich grace you have made the Truth know to Your children. You have strategically positioned our hearts to fully receive Your Truth. You both comfort and lead us in all our ways. How can ones heart help but to leap with joy when deeply reflecting on the subtle traces of your everlasting love in every simple breath we take! We humbly ask that You continue equipping your Saints with Your supernatural wisdom and knowledge. Your name reigns above all other names. Align our thoughts with Your perfect will; your kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.

A New Heart

Teach me your way, Lord,

    that I may rely on your faithfulness;

give me an undivided heart,

    that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;

    I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;

    you have delivered me from the depths,

    from the realm of the dead

Psalm 86: 11-13

Clichés are my favorite because although they are grossly unoriginal, we continue to let them live on because they have seemingly immortalized relevance. The old saying ” it gets worse before it gets better” starts us out on an appropriate note here. My gentle hearted reader, although I don’t know exactly where you are at in this moment, it is my hope that the voice of our father will reach you where ever you are. That you will find renewed strength and encouragement in this reminder of our Fathers never ending faithfulness towards us.

I’ve been having these dreams lately. This has occurred at least two or three times; different scenes, different people but they all share one distinct commonality. I am with a friend that is possessed with an unclean spirit, as I lay hands on them and pray in heavenly tongues; they immediately respond by speaking back at me in demonic tongues. It’s always quite distracting, in this dream realm I can almost feel the effectiveness of my prayer fade away as I listen in and try to understand the other side. It is a very natural reaction to give ones attention to a threat or problem, to seek to understand. I believe our Father is asking us to stop this.

About a week ago, I had intentions of sharing a very different post with you. Thankfully the Lord did not allow me to finish, as he did not yet finish his work in me and anything that is done without his finished work is honestly worthless. So, I had a real “problem” I wont get into the “problem” because it’s unimportant, but for the sake of providing context I’ll simply say there were some recent relational conflicts with a very close friend of mine that had left me feeling a little betrayed, heartbroken, confused and just plain bitter. I can take a good look around me, situationally nothing has changed. Yet, internally everything changed when our father gently led me to truly repent from glorifying the conflict at hand within my heart. Then, by his grace alone, my heart was free to place power back into the rightful hands of our Father. Usually when the term idol is mentioned most of us would associate it with something we regard in a highly positive manner. Surprisingly, I’ve come to find this is not always the case.

Every man is stupid and without knowledge; every goldsmith is put to shame by his idols, for his images are false, and there is no breath in them

Jeremiah 51:17

An idol can be anything -whether we deem it to be good or bad- that we make higher than God in our hearts. The fear of the Lord should never cease to reign over the fear of man. We have no power to remain completely free of idols in the flesh, it is by his power alone that our hearts can remain undefiled. There is nothing too useful in us to pull from in times of distress, our strength and power can only be found by looking to him as our beginning and end, the Supreme Ruler and Maker of all.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Romans 12:9-19

When I was at my absolute worst. Dwelling in a place where my overactive imagination paired with paranoia were busy at work creating conspiracy theories, trying to give reason to the reasonless, understand the attacks against me and how best to fire back. It was around this time that I met these beautiful words in the book of Romans. I was lit on fire with desire for my heart to become everything mentioned here and more. Deeply drink in these words! No matter what your battle is looking like, stand firm in Love for there is no Glory reserved for the darkness. Why should we worry about or try to understand something so futile? This is a time to surrender the fight that was never meant to be ours in the first place, repent and ask the Father in faith for a new heart. He does not hesitate to provide, bless and renew. With a new heart, comes a fresh pair of new eyes.

Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or for our enemies?” “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence.

Joshua 5:13-15

We can all collectively agree the enemy has been working overtime to cook up a big ole pot of division. Pay those loud noises no mind, we belong to the peace that surpasses all understanding. Let us all come together as one and humbly meet our Father in this place. This is the place where the face of your cold-hearted enemy becomes the face of your beloved, blinded and wounded brother or sister. Where confusion yields to clarity. Where your side and my side of the story can bow down in reverence before God’s side of the story. This, is where love wins.

Love covers a multitude of sins

1Peter 4:8

Long Distance Relationship

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jeremiah 17:9

Greetings, internet family in Christ! It has been a while since I’ve last written to you. While in prayer this morning, the Lord gently set it on my heart to write. Admittedly, I believe it may be beneficial to just get the recent trials of my own heart out into words so that the Maker might step in, then gracefully lace together a solution as the words pour out because he absolutely delights in empowering us with his wisdom and truth! Yay! We sure do need help, this earthly human business is tricky. Anyway, I’ll just come right out and say it; my heart is being idiotic. These pesky hearts, amiright? My relationship with the father has gradually transitioned into something comparable to a long distant relationship where I am the insecure partner that needs constant validation and comfort because the distance hurts and the desire is boundless. Insecurities arise when I feel like I’m not hearing or seeing him as much. Yet the other day, when he had spoken to me; it was to rebuke me. ” You praise me with your lips but your heart is far from me” I was horrified and wanted to deny it altogether. So deep in denial that he had to use a friend of mine to speak those same words to me as confirmation so that I could not brush it off. The thoughts arise “How could my heart be far off?! My God is clearly the center of my life, this doesn’t make sense. Father please don’t make me like the Pharaoh! Don’t harden my heart towards you, I want to give you every part of me but I can’t do that without your help.” Through faith, I know he is near and that I can confidently drink from whatever cup he hands me, knowing it is for the best. Yet my heart does not always fall into this place. As my beloved sibling in the kingdom, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn you have previously faced or may be currently facing a similar season of longing. Intellectually, I know that as chosen ones, we should not live by our feelings, we live by spirit and truth. I would not argue otherwise. However it is one thing to mentally accept certain information but we play a very different game when actually having to live this out in the depths of our hearts at all times. There is this phenomenon that can take place if we are not carefully watching the nature of our own hearts; where our heart’s desires, even if they appear to be innocent on the surface, will lead us into a place of dissatisfaction which gives birth to impatience, which can then turn into greediness for more and more. We have to see it outwardly, otherwise we will doubt it’s existence inwardly. Yet the definition of faith is the assurance of what is unseen.

They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.  But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,  and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:19-24

To be holy is to be without sin, set aside, to be in a state of full health and love. Our father Abraham paved the way for righteousness by believing in Gods promise. Holiness and righteousness are very much so interdependent. I find it interesting to note the steps presented to get here:

  1. Put off old self
  2. Be renewed in the spirit of your minds
  3. Put on new self

I will not say that I have fully mastered this process quite yet, it is just so reliving to know that we serve a sweet, caring father that will make it known immediately when we fall out of line, and that he will provide us with a clear way to get back to a straight path.

because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.

Hebrews 12:6

The more and more that I grow up into Christ, the more I realize the easiest way to do away with the problem, is the fix your eyes right back onto the solution. On that note, time for me to pray and get this heart right. Stay blessed, saints!


Uneasy eyes diligently scan the vast barren desert landscape. This is the farthest you’ve been from home in all your years. Not only this, but you are all alone. Somewhere in the dark corners of your mind a taunting voice of isolation and uncertainty sings louder and louder you as you sink deeper into the nothingness before you. Thirsty, oh so very thirsty. The never satisfied rays of the sun vibrates through your being. You must keep on moving. If you don’t, you will swiftly surrender yourself over to death. Or worse; you may silence the sweetly warm whispering voice that tends to a spark of fire in your heart and guides you to walk this straight path. You’re well past the point of intelligible thoughts. Without a need for tangible conformation, you simply know this is the right direction and stopping is not an option. Yet somehow it appears as if the closer you get, the farther it draws itself back from your quivering grasp. Your eyes drag to the floor, you watch the dry ground crackle as each step carries more weight than the one before it. A faint realization from deep within you suggests that you alone are not enough to make it to the end of this journey. Before you may dwell on this, a vision appears before you. Within this perspective, supposed chronological order becomes an irrelevant detail. Many seeds travel by wind. Consequently, a single yellow flower restlessly pushes through the hard ground, reaching upwards towards the honey laced promises set before it by the sun. The flower rises without rest, until its petals are high enough to caress the bottom of the sun. Meanwhile many of the other seeds hardly had the chance to push past the ground. With no good reason, you find yourself momentarily resenting this flower. What makes that seed any different than the others in this hostile environment? A voice gently chimes in to reveal the heart of the one seed that believed in the promises whispered by the sun. The moment grows still and your inner and outer being settles into a perfect silence. Never in the history of mankind, has a flower ever been more deeply understood. A voice from somewhere outside and inside of you whispers, “Do you love me?”

Alarmed, your eyes shoot up and you see it. Could this be a mirage? No, there it is. At last, a stream! Your pace slows-fearful that if you go too fast- it will slip away into nothingness. You approach the elegantly dancing liquid diamonds, bow low and take that first sip of that cool crisp water. The substance that nourishes you is the very same substance that cleanses you. As it swims through you, your mind travels off to a place residing somewhere between peace and rejuvenation. In the midst of the journey, there was seemingly no way of knowing you’d make it here. Yet with nothing short of faith, you commanded your uncooperative feet to press on in that blessed direction that leads to life. All the longing and pain it took to get here. That doesn’t matter now. In this moment of blissful fulfillment, your previous pains and struggles do not even come to mind. Your sorrows wash away as you drink deeply from the ever flowing source of life, you smile. That alleged grip death had on you has been sufficiently conquered. All else fades away, love remains.

“They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:3-4
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